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I wander anyone really noe wats on my mind and wat i want… sometime its really hard to put it into words to tell others… i’m seriously frustrated when no one noe wat i really wants… probably i’m juz some weirdo that come from outter space.. lolz… i started to get tired of my lifestyle… dunno how to put it… really tired… hai… probably the song tears n rains by james blunt describe best of me:

"
How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I’d chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I’ve found no meaning.

I guess it’s time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I’m so cold from fear.

I guess it’s time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure’s the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain.
"

I hope one of this days that someone would really noe me better and give me all the attention I needed…

Something that I find interesting so copy and paste to share with you guys…

If you find yrself with the following symptons, you are in true love… believe it if you wan… lolz…

1. You get joy from making your love happy.
2. You have no interest in others who would normally attract you.
3. When you long to be in your love’s arms every second of the day.
4. It actually feels like your feelings are physically coming from your heart.
5. When you think of your love and smile no matter how hard your day has been.
6. You see your love with all their imperfections, yet know they are perfect for you.

However, I did ask my sis who was married… she say the above is true when u r in honey moon… lolz… probably she’s rite… anyway it always takes 2 hands to clap to have a stable loving relationship… Both muz actively thinks of ways to help and please each other without the tht of wat they r getting for in return. In my personal opinion, love is to give and shld be unconditional. If either side of the love give too much, the one who give muz work extra hard to be please and not offend the taker. The likelyhood of this relationship surviving is slim cos to much give sometime is demoralising and dishearten. So frens out there(you noe who u are), try to work things out with your partner when you find yrself giving too much and is unable to breath anymore. Dun wait till there is no way you are able to resolve it and regrat it. Unless you no longer able to tolerate it then let it go… no pt in holding on to something that is stagnent and unable to be salvage cos the one who suffer and get hurt the most is you yrself… well watever it is, decision is still pt down to individual whether you still luv the other party, whether you are willing to give how much, whether you accept it anot…

It’s been a while since i updated my blog… for ppl who always reads my blog shld noe by now that I only write my blog when something has happened or when i’m vex or down. For this time round, I’m feeling real down. I question myself wif a big WHY and there’s always no ans to it. seriously whats wrong with me?  Use to have a couple of frens who I can confide with, however days hv change everyone of us had drifted apart. and if otherwise,  ppl would find you a burden adding onto their trouble. Nowaday, Ppl become selfish too and have the concept of "ji gey gu ji gey" type of moto… perhaps it is due to the rapid changing environment that causes such a drastic change in human nature…. or perhaps in reality human is nv kind or unselfish… for this i really cant accept it… I find myself trying hard to change to adapt to this kind of environment… however I failed… I always live behind the reality that when you treat others kind and friendly, you shld get back the kind of attitude you deserve… but… the more i felt this way, the more disappointment i get out of it when things turn otherwise… and also dun expect that you are a lady, a gentlement shld always give in to you or coax you cos this had nv been true in the reality… there is always a give and take in any kind of relationship… be it BGR or normal friendship. Therefore, dun expect too much out of something cos when you didn’t get wat you expected, you will live in more disappointment and despair than wat you thought.

okie jus my personal opinion… i’ll stop here cos I think my mind are block with many thoughts that I cant write it in words here… hope tomolo will be a brighter day for me… nitez…

well… was kinda pissed off wif my boss today. all started off from last fri when I was doing my FA(Failure Analysis) call Liquid Crystal when my irritating colleague came kpo trying to help me… and guess wat??!!! my IC’s wire was shaken till broken!!! argh! and I have only one rejected part… and tks to him I have to unplug the rest of the unit to suit this result… and u noe it’s so difficult to unplug the wire? instead of helping me shorten my FA, it actully cost me an hr more to do it… shitty! however I did not scold him straight on his face… i juz remain silent till he walk off automatically… argh… seriously pissed off by him cos this is not the 1st time he messed up wif my stuff trying to be helpful!!!

The whole day i put on a long face as my schedule to finish my stuff was also messed up juz cos of him…. and yesh HIM again! So my boss happen to noe and ask me what happened to me and him… So I reply him "nothing really happen… juz that everytime things that are touch by him will be messed up". And his reply to me was "damn angry now, BYE"… okie fine so i reply back "you ask me I tell u the truth but you angry…next time dun ask me wat happen again". And that’s abt it for fri…. here comes today(mon)…i guess he still not very happy abt fri so he put on a long face with me the whole day…  he then suddenly msg me ask me to update him on my FA so i reply him say later as I need to finish up on certain stuff 1st and will look for him after lunch at 1pm… and his reply was " okie… and i wanna brainwash you later too"… BRAINWASH? u mean me? wat’s wrong wif me in telling the truth when he ask me abt it? so i simply reply my boss "I dun wish to tok abt that thing anymore, you jus cant take the truth…"

the person who suppose to be brainwash is HIM yesh HIM… not me… I’m not the only one who complain abt him and there’s many more in our grp who think the same…. He’s always acting blur on things that he had done wrong… acting to be busy yet he is the most free… and only ppl need to put things a side juz to help him but not the other way round cos he is always full of shitty excuses not to help… things that are touched by him are always messed up and we hv to clear his shit…

So who suppose to be BRAINWASH? me? this is seriously a joke! Why shld we change to accomodate to that person’s NONSENSE? He shld be the one to be brainwash since many ppl have the same feeling… this shows that that person muz have some serious attitude problem… and not ME!!! I’m not gonna change juz to accomodate to this kind of person… So pls dun give me the kind of face which I dun think i deserve it cos I’m juz telling the truth! if you cant take the truth then be it.. face the reality.. argh…!

guess wat… lolz.. after stopping for abt 2 yrs, i went to play netball at NUS today!!! can you imagine that? seriously i hv become rusty… use to be able to play non stop for 30mins of full game.. now.. hai.. 10mins already wanna shout for HELP le… lolz… i have weaken as compared to my sec sch time..

today game really brought back alot of ‘netball’ memories that i had… like those tough training given by my male coach who we use to call ‘Yang Guang’… during those days we were so united… always looking forward to the sat afternoon training… hee… however something different today is i’m playing with total stranger… all from NUS and of all ages… so i’m the odd one out from no where… lolz…. but anyway they are all quite frenly… so i think i still blend into the grp bah… 

btw, I have agreed to join my fren in the cmg netball tournament call the ‘Pestasukan’ at Kallang Netball Centre on 7 Aug (Sun)… hehe… hope i wont be a burden to them…. lolz… looking forward to that day… really so happy to hv the opportunity to play netball after 2yrs… juz hope that my class schedule dun fall on tue… okie.. thats all for today.. aching everywhere now… gotta rest liao.. nitey…

basically today is a busy day for me… for days that have no class, I have been staying back in the office to clear my shitty work… kinda stress… however after a stress day at work receive news of the appraisal letter… lolz… the long awaiting appraisal and bonus here i come… well to tell the truth was kinda disappointed when I open the letter though many ppl told me is really very high and so did my boss.. however i somehow feel I deserve more for wat I have did for my work… like the saying goes "human beings are not easily contented"… hee… probably my expectation are too high…

anyway I will still continue to do my job well as usual and continue to strive higher to acheive my goal that I have set for myself… hv been thinking alot recently… work, school, relationship, future and  many many more things… all jumbled up in my mind… really makes me listless and unable to concentrate at certain points… not sure y seriously… i’m easily frustrated nowsaday too.. i muz really apologise for the frustration I hv vent on some of u out there especially to my dear… sorry dear.. pls bear with me for some time… seriously doing some soul searching now…

and juz today my boss ask me wat I have plan for myself after I get my honours next yr… my ans to him was "I have no idea and have not plan anything at the moment"… come to think of it… it’s really time for me to plan where I wanna go from there now and not wait till I get my honours… but i was like lost in jungle looking for direction to get out… my plan is still blank! I still do not noe wat i wanna be & wat i wanna do in the long run… perhaps i need some trial & error to figure out wat i really wan to do and proceed… well probably it’s a route many of us will hv to go thru… juz hope for a better tomolo for now… lolz…

today manage to have some time with my dear at woodland…hee… :)  went to eat fiesta… the Ebi curry set was delicious and my dear had his favorite saba yaki… both are not bad and worth the money… went ard the building and proceed hm to slack… guess both of us are really shack and drain out over the wk… hope this wkends we will recuperate our energy and be on full charge again for the new wk…

it’s sunday and is monday tomolo le… hai.. super duper sian especially when sunday gonna ends soon… it’s juz make me wanna sleep when i noe i gotta work tomolo… well although it’s kind of short for the wkend but at least i get to meet my dear and a grp of fren for a drink at alley bar on fri to relax and de-stress… the atmosphere there was quite nice and soothing jus for a drink after work… however I still prefer balaclava though hee… do you guys agree? lolz..

below is the pic we taken at alley bar.. let me noe if you guys wan me to take the pic down…hee… take a close look at their eyes… super small cos they cant take the flash from my phone camera… lolz… and look at my dear worst… cant even see his eyes open at all… hee…

                                                             ~ My grp of kaki at SIM ~

                                                                   ~ My dear & me ~

errm…before I end my blog today…I have something to bring across… some of u may be wondering y i put such a nick on my msn cos i’m really tired of all the so call bullshit that my fren had explain to me… do you noe that as the more you explain the worst it get when something went wrong? I noe you ppl are trying to help make things better for that person but hv you ever think that y dun you juz leave the person alone and things might be better after sometime? I always believe that times will tell everything… i dun buy superficial friendship… i cant bring myself to tok to someone who treat me like a fool when i treat them as friend… call me petty or wat, i showhow felt awkward… perhaps time will really wash away all the happening and i will bring myself to tok to them again… so pls… ppl who read my blog… dun bother to explain so much to me… cos i choose to perceive wat i believe and see…

i manage to wake up today and have my hair cut at klear cut fast east plaza…
here’s my hair cut plus color:

lolz… so how was it? okie la hor.. . guess wat? it’s way over my budget le! nv imagine i will spend so much on my hair.. lolz… but service not bad la… hee.. so still consider okie…

bed time plus chat time wif my dear le.. bye..

O.. blog? haha… cant imagine myself writting blog here. use to laugh at ppl who write blog and say them ‘bo liao’… now it’s their turn to laugh back at me le… and jus this evening also mock at my dear for his blog… i guess he will surely suan and mock back at me soon he sees mine… and the words goes…"LGK le dear"… he will noe wat i mean when he sees this… well cant help it cos i’m simply bored now and alot of thoughts on my mind that I cant put myself to sleep… It’s 1.28am! who else will be awake now to chat wif me? guess none ba…

well… hving my company shutdown from last thurs to 7th july which is this thurs… not too short not too long… however i have not done a single meaningful thing during this break except to meet up with my dear during the 1st few days of my shut down. wat i mean by meaningful is doing something that I hv long nv done like keyaking, bowling, KTV etc… sad to say all that i mention here need at least 2 or more ppl… however none of my fren are interested. lolz… juz too bad for me…

2 more days before I go back to work… argh… stress! I planned to go have a hair cut tomolo… change of hairstyle means a new start for me.. haha… but still hv not decide which salon to go… my sis was suggesting going to far east… she mention there is alot of hair salon there but not sure which is good and not so ex… another SIM fren of mine mention Reds @ taka… wow.. all sounds like super ex type… but nvm juz dun go beyond my budget of 150bucks… i guess shld be enough bah?? hopefully I am able to wake up early tomolo as I will hv to rush for class at 7pm. yah.. class.. sianz… sch starts le… hai.. means more commitment to adhere with… hopefully able to cope wif work, sch n project… argh… so many things… and also money…  juz receive the continuous registration fees from UOL… guess how much? it’s £228!!??  lolz.. legal loan shark le…  lucky i still hv some savings and also my pay increment and bonus will be this july… heng ah heng ah… lolz…

okie.. that’s all abt me for today.. will come back again wif my new hair cut… hopefully i will not be too lethargic to get out of house tomolo… hee… nitey and sweet dreams to those happen to see my blog… byez…